The Heart of a Mother: Reigniting Passion (and Sanity) in Your Relationship

A Special Month of Love

Let’s be real for a second—being a mum is a full-time job that demands ALL your energy, brainpower, and probably your last clean white shirt (or maybe not if you’re like most of my mum friends who avoid wearing white shirts). Between the kids needing snacks every five minutes, laundry piles that never seem to shrink, and the constant “mum… mum… MUUMM”—it’s no wonder that after a while, the romance with your partner starts to feel almost like a distant memory.

But here’s the thing: your relationship with your partner is the foundation that holds your whole family up. Without it, the whole thing might just collapse like a Jenga tower. So, how do we reconnect with our significant others when we’re knee-deep in Legos and snack crumbs? How do we reignite that spark between “What’s for dinner?” and “Why is the toddler in the pantry again?” Here’s a down-to-earth blog about (re)finding love and passion (and maybe even a little bit of sanity) in your relationship, even when you feel like you’re barely keeping it together.

 

Love Your Kids and Your Partner

First off, let’s address the elephant in the room: Being a mum means your heart is so full of love for your kids that there’s barely any room left for anyone else. Seriously, how is it that you can love these tiny humans so much but feel like you’re running on empty by 8 p.m. every night? (Or let’s be real – by 12pm and you feel like the day has just started).

But here’s a little secret: you do have love left for your partner. It might be buried under piles of laundry and all the used dishes, but it’s still there. That’s why it’s so important to remember that your relationship with your partner isn’t just another thing on the to-do list—it’s the glue that keeps your family together. Without taking care of your relationship, the whole house of cards can come crashing down. So, if you’re feeling disconnected, it’s time to make a little room for each other, even if it’s just a few minutes every day.

 

How to: Find Time for YOU… and Them

Remember before you had kids, when you used to have time for things like hobbies, sleep, and not being constantly interrupted while you’re trying to eat a hot meal (or any meal)? Ah, those were the days. Now, finding time for anything that isn’t related to parenting can feel like finding a way to afford a house by the water at the peak recession.

But here’s the good news: You don’t have to find hours of uninterrupted “me time” to make things work. In fact, you can reignite that spark with small, everyday moments.

• Make Time for Each Other (Even if It’s Just 15 Minutes):
  Whether it’s a 15-minute coffee date before the kids wake up (just don’t spill it on yourself like I did last time) or a quick chat while folding laundry, squeezing in moments to connect is key. It’s not about quantity, it’s about quality—although I’ll take any quality that doesn’t involve fighting over whose turn it is to change the baby’s nappy.
• Rediscover Activities Together:
  Remember that fun thing you and your partner used to do before you became professional nappy-changers? Well, guess what? You can still do it. No, it doesn’t have to be a weeklong vacation to Paris (though, if anyone’s offering, I’ll take it). It could be something simple, like watching a Netflix show together after the kid/s go to bed or taking a walk around the area (or a very sluggish walk down the street and back) while pretending you’re not exhausted.
• Little Acts of Love Matter:
  Let’s face it, no one has the energy for a 5-course candlelit dinner on a Thursday night, but small gestures count too. Like grabbing your partner’s favorite snack while you’re at the store (or even a surprise text that says, “You’re doing a great job—now, please stop leaving socks everywhere”). These little acts of thoughtfulness help maintain that bond, even in the chaos.

Reigniting the Flame: Passion Doesn’t Have to Be Reserved for Date Nights

Now, let’s talk about that elusive “passion” thing. You know—the thing you used to have for each other, back when you could stay up past 10 p.m. without feeling like you were going to pass out on the sofa.

The good news is, passion doesn’t just have to show up on date nights or special occasions. You can work on it in the little moments of your everyday life. And here’s where the 5 Love Languages can come in handy.

The 5 Love Languages– Rewritten for Tired Parents

Dr. Gary Chapman’s ‘Five Love Languages’ is a great framework for understanding how you and your partner show and receive love. Let’s break them down in a way that actually makes sense for us tired, overworked mums.

1. Words of Affirmation: Look, we all love a good compliment, right? And let’s face it, you’ve earned it. So, take the time to say something nice to your partner, like “You’re amazing for putting the kids to bed tonight without losing your mind,” or “Thanks for surviving that meltdown with me—I couldn’t have done it without you.” You might just get a little swoon out of them (and feel a little warm and fuzzy yourself).

2. Acts of Service: You know what’s sexy? Not having to remind your partner for the 10th time to take out that bag of rotten food that you had to empty because they didn’t bother to clean out the fridge (ever). Doing something thoughtful for your partner (even if it’s just unloading the dishwasher without being asked) speaks volumes. It’s like saying, “I see you, I appreciate you, and I’m here for you.” Nothing says “I love you” quite like taking one thing off your partner’s plate.

3. Receiving Gifts: No, you don’t need to buy expensive bling blings to show you care (though, let’s be real, that would be nice). Small, thoughtful gifts—like their favourite snack, a cute mug, or even printing off a funny meme that’ll make them laugh—can bring a little joy into their day. Bonus points if it’s something that makes life easier for both of you (hello, new coffee machine).

4. Quality Time: Kids are exhausting. But so is not talking to your partner for days because you’re too busy being a mum. Try to carve out time where you can actually talk. Even if it’s just for five minutes while you’re in the car on the way to pick up groceries. Ask about each other’s day, share a funny story, or just vent about the kid who refused to eat their vegetables again. Quality time doesn’t always need to be a big event—it’s about being present and reconnecting.

5. Physical Touch: I’m not talking about “baby-making” moments (though, sure, that’s great too). Sometimes, it’s just about holding hands, giving a hug, or a quick kiss that says, “I’m still here, and I still love you.” Even if you’re both half-asleep, that touch can remind you that you’re partners in this crazy thing called parenthood.